"What do you believe about people?"

This has become one of my favorite questions in the world!  I started asking others to fill in the blank on this one and here is some of what I heard:
 
..."People can not be trusted" 
..."People are only out for themselves"
..."People are flawed"
..."People will do what you want only as long as you are watching"

So what did I learn?...that what we believe about people says a lot about us - not "other people". 





Recognizing this truth, and recognizing that all people share certain truths (we all live, breath and feel), maybe we could agree that all people have strengths?  Maybe if we look for the strengths in people, we will see them. Maybe seeing people's strengths would change our beliefs and we'd say things like...I believe: 

People want to be understood, not judged
People want to be asked and heard, not told and dismissed
People want to be allowed their emotions - not to be told to suck it up, be factual, be unfeeling
People want relationship, for others have their back, to not feel alone
People want to be included, not excluded
People want to be believed in
  
We're all human. 
We all struggle.
We all have strengths.
We all want to be believed in. 

What if we practiced believing in people?
What if we started seeing people's strengths? 
Maybe what we believe about people would change.      

 

What do you believe about people?

Questions

 

Life keeps asking me questions

I don't know what the answers are

Yet

There's more for me to be and do

So I'll keep seeking

Unstoppable

Story Time

The stories we tell ourselves about who we used to be are in the past. Who we used to be can not hurt us anymore.  Yet it's not uncommon for us to presently fear what's already past, even if it doesn't make sense.

We took ourselves to be someone that our teachers, parents, bosses, spouses, friends, co-workers, roomates or siblings told us we were...,fat; overly bold; too _____(fill in the blank); unworthy of time, friendship, attention, love.
How long will we continue to listen and believe their stories?

What would happen if we valued discovering our true selves more than we valued being loyal to the stories of others?

We are more than stories.

Tell yourself a new story.   A true story.   Today's story.   One filled with love.

Going inside

Have you ever been spending time with someone
but you feel like they're really not with you?
Their thoughts are somewhere else.
It's common toward the end of one's life to go inside.

For the person on the outside this is painful. 
We want to keep that person in our world...forever.

But as one prepares themselves for whatever is beyond, and curls up into themselves
I choose to believe they are re-living the best parts...experiencing once again...
    their mother's first touch of love as they came into this world
    time spent with childhood friends seeking mischief
    the blush of bliss as they vowed their life to another
    the feel of a wam, tiny hand in their own
    the swell of pride that comes from reflecting on a life well lived

So go on in.
I'll do my best to gracefully hold the door.

Window to the world

We all look at life through different windows

What do you see?

Has Jack frost been at work clouding your vision?
Perhaps the panes are stained or shattered
Leaving sharp edges behind
Maybe you drew the blinds long ago

We all look at life through different windows

Don't like what you see?
Why not reframe it?
Melt that frosty artwork
Repair what's broken and blocking your view
Let it all in...the very freshness of life itself

Loved the way you lied

Lord Tennyson's poetic line 'Tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all' has rung true to millions of people for over one hundred years. In life, love and loss are common themes, right? You can probably recall a time when you lost at love but it's likely you look back on it wistfully...remembering how great it was to be in loves embrace.

But what about relationships that never should have been?
Relationships where it would have been better to have never loved at all?
Like when love is dangerous - filled with unexpected twists and turns.
Like when a tornado meets a volcano*.

Violent relationships where women are threatened, harmed, pinned down, alienated, belittled.
Where danger becomes a lifestyle.
Where they tell themselves maybe our relationship isn't as crazy as it seems*.

Relationships where episodes of violence are punctuated by their lover's sober periods of regret and the sorries pour out...I'm to blame...Don't go...I can't go on without you...You're my world; the the love of my life.  I love the way you lie*

What is remembered about these relationships... the feeling of a lovers embrace?  Or are the memories dripping with confusion and wondering about how things went so bad?
Memories of feeling numb, broken, isolated, small.
Cautiously inching through life on high alert.
Unarmed in a war zone where love doesn't live anymore

Thankfully, some women come awake,
gain strength and one day say

No more

I've had enough

Maybe they're drunk on hate.  A fuel that drives them to say next time...there will be no next time*.

Still the question remains...Was it better to have loved and lost in those relationships?
Perhaps it would have been better to have never loved at all.

 *Lyrics from "Love the way you lie" by Eminem - with Rhianna, a domestic abuse survivor.
This post is dedicated domestic abuse survivors everywhere with a special thanks to the Manitowoc, Wisconsin Domestic Violence Center. Free, anonymous and confidential help is available to women in abusive situations 24/7 from anywhere in the U.S. by calling 1.800.799.SAFE (7233).

The Art of Not Fighting

Are you able to see an argument brewing? Have you mastered the art of remaining calm while it builds steam? Can you choose not to engage when there's a perfect opening to make your case and keep things stirred up? This is no easy task for a feisty girl like me, but I do understand that force is followed by loss of strength.

So, at times, when the temptation to jump in is too great and my actions aren't loud enough, I say it out loud. "I'm not going to argue with you." Sometimes I'm talking to myself.

I'm practicing letting differences of opinion just sit there, out in the open, in full view, exposed. Even if it means wriggling in discomfort at the mess lying in front of me.

Of course there are things worth fighting, like cancer. But when it comes to debating inconsequential matters, setting the record straight or being 'right' I'm unclenching my fists to let go. With my hands relaxed, open and empty they are free to be used in more meaningful ways.